Post by Female Guitar Players on Jun 11, 2012 2:57:27 GMT -5
Blog - Dec 20-2009 How Did You Get Off Drugs?
« Thread Started on Jul 17, 2010, 1:43pm »
From MySpace
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Q. & A. From Fans - How did you get off drugs?
How Did You Get Off Drugs?
Question: How did you get off drugs?
Answer: How did I get off drugs? To put it quite simply, I DIED. I was technically dead for eight minutes, but those eight minutes were merely physical. I experienced something completely different and timeless and its not something I share often with many people because it is so metaphysical and psychodelic.
Back then, there were no Rehab Centres for drug addiction. If you wanted to get off the booze and the drugs, you had to either do it yourself, die, or die and then do it yourself, and that's what I had to do. When I died, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. There was no tunnel. There was no god. There was no Heaven or Hell. There was only my Self, my thoughts, my memories, .....no feelings whatsoever. There was no time, no space, no foundation, no nothing, ....just me in a vast sea of nothing. Today of course, I would call that some kind of Void.
I did view my life like a movie right up until the moment I left my body, but it was nothing like what you hear these New Age people talking about or what we see in movies. I honestly have no idea how to describe that experience. In fact, I can't. And I knew that all of the experience I was having was with no one but my Self.
Before I came back, I communicated with another part of my Self who asked me why I was here; why I had come to this life? And my answer was Music. This part of Self asked me if I had completed that mission? I said no. This part of Self asked me if I wished to continue completing that mission or to face what was to come next? I stayed in this place of no where and gave it a lot of thought for a long time. I then decided to continue and finish my mission regarding Music.
Then this part of my Self showed me that I would finish my mission with another person who was my intended Life Partner and that I was never meant to travel this path alone. I have waited 24 years now, and this Life Partner never showed up. Over the years I have come to believe that there is no one for me. If there was, they were either 1) never born to begin with 2) died 3) already married 4) gay 5) or living in a different country, and I would never have a prayer of ever meeting them in this life time.
I haven't touched drugs since 1986. I've been clean for 24 years now. I don't drink anymore either. For me its a big waste of my money. I had to work really hard to survive what I went through and I'm very proud of my Self for having done it; otherwise I would be dead right now!
I think that in the end, given the condition I was in, the amount of alcohol and cocaine I consumed probably was responsible for a very false vision which really lead me astray on my path in life. Maybe it was just a part of my Self tricking me into staying alive. I don't know.
Altogether, I was addicted to booze, pot, hash, and cocaine. Booze was the least of it, although I could down a 2/4 and walk away to the next party and drink another half case before finally passing out. I did acid about four times and didn't like it, so I stopped. I did mushrooms three times and didn't like that either, so I never did it again. I do herion once by accident. A friend and I bought a joint off a biker who sold us the wrong joint. The one we got was laced with herion. We went and did our laundery after smoking that joint. Well, doing laundry was never the same again after that for quite some time! I would never have done herion by choice. I can't stand needles. Plus, there was no way I could have ever afforded it in the first place. I was a fun loving gal. For the most part, pot and hash was my big thing. Honey Oil if I could get some. I really blew it when I got into the Cocaine, and Cocaine was the worst of it, and this manifested in the fifth year of being a street kid. It was Cocaine and one very fucked up relationship I was in at the time that did me right in. I was an addict for five years.
It took me almost two years to get my health and my life back and get on with the show so to speak. What helped me the very most to get through that time was Music, my LeSage piano, and my three cats "Mozart", "Deva" and "T.O., shortform for Toronto". It was very unpleasant returning to a dead body and it took me a really long time to get over that experience psychologically.
I am no longer interested in waiting for something or someone that is never going to happen or arrive. It's amazing how clever our nightmares can be at sucking the life out of us every chance they get. My kids have grown up, and I've done my job, I've done my duty, and that part of my life for the most part is over now. I want to return to my music and see what I can do with it.
Love and hugs...
BlackieSteele...xoxox
« Thread Started on Jul 17, 2010, 1:43pm »
From MySpace
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Q. & A. From Fans - How did you get off drugs?
How Did You Get Off Drugs?
Question: How did you get off drugs?
Answer: How did I get off drugs? To put it quite simply, I DIED. I was technically dead for eight minutes, but those eight minutes were merely physical. I experienced something completely different and timeless and its not something I share often with many people because it is so metaphysical and psychodelic.
Back then, there were no Rehab Centres for drug addiction. If you wanted to get off the booze and the drugs, you had to either do it yourself, die, or die and then do it yourself, and that's what I had to do. When I died, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. There was no tunnel. There was no god. There was no Heaven or Hell. There was only my Self, my thoughts, my memories, .....no feelings whatsoever. There was no time, no space, no foundation, no nothing, ....just me in a vast sea of nothing. Today of course, I would call that some kind of Void.
I did view my life like a movie right up until the moment I left my body, but it was nothing like what you hear these New Age people talking about or what we see in movies. I honestly have no idea how to describe that experience. In fact, I can't. And I knew that all of the experience I was having was with no one but my Self.
Before I came back, I communicated with another part of my Self who asked me why I was here; why I had come to this life? And my answer was Music. This part of Self asked me if I had completed that mission? I said no. This part of Self asked me if I wished to continue completing that mission or to face what was to come next? I stayed in this place of no where and gave it a lot of thought for a long time. I then decided to continue and finish my mission regarding Music.
Then this part of my Self showed me that I would finish my mission with another person who was my intended Life Partner and that I was never meant to travel this path alone. I have waited 24 years now, and this Life Partner never showed up. Over the years I have come to believe that there is no one for me. If there was, they were either 1) never born to begin with 2) died 3) already married 4) gay 5) or living in a different country, and I would never have a prayer of ever meeting them in this life time.
I haven't touched drugs since 1986. I've been clean for 24 years now. I don't drink anymore either. For me its a big waste of my money. I had to work really hard to survive what I went through and I'm very proud of my Self for having done it; otherwise I would be dead right now!
I think that in the end, given the condition I was in, the amount of alcohol and cocaine I consumed probably was responsible for a very false vision which really lead me astray on my path in life. Maybe it was just a part of my Self tricking me into staying alive. I don't know.
Altogether, I was addicted to booze, pot, hash, and cocaine. Booze was the least of it, although I could down a 2/4 and walk away to the next party and drink another half case before finally passing out. I did acid about four times and didn't like it, so I stopped. I did mushrooms three times and didn't like that either, so I never did it again. I do herion once by accident. A friend and I bought a joint off a biker who sold us the wrong joint. The one we got was laced with herion. We went and did our laundery after smoking that joint. Well, doing laundry was never the same again after that for quite some time! I would never have done herion by choice. I can't stand needles. Plus, there was no way I could have ever afforded it in the first place. I was a fun loving gal. For the most part, pot and hash was my big thing. Honey Oil if I could get some. I really blew it when I got into the Cocaine, and Cocaine was the worst of it, and this manifested in the fifth year of being a street kid. It was Cocaine and one very fucked up relationship I was in at the time that did me right in. I was an addict for five years.
It took me almost two years to get my health and my life back and get on with the show so to speak. What helped me the very most to get through that time was Music, my LeSage piano, and my three cats "Mozart", "Deva" and "T.O., shortform for Toronto". It was very unpleasant returning to a dead body and it took me a really long time to get over that experience psychologically.
I am no longer interested in waiting for something or someone that is never going to happen or arrive. It's amazing how clever our nightmares can be at sucking the life out of us every chance they get. My kids have grown up, and I've done my job, I've done my duty, and that part of my life for the most part is over now. I want to return to my music and see what I can do with it.
BLACKIE STEELE HAS BEEN CLEAN FOR 24 YEARS!
Love and hugs...
BlackieSteele...xoxox